Chi le ma

We breathe. We sleep.  We eat. It's no wonder that food is such an important part of every distinct culture. To the Italians, food is life – mulling over its flavors and sensations with each course and subsequent glass of wine.  It's not just Italians, either: my best friend, Maya, has told me repeatedly that she has no need for a scale because she just uses her Jewish grandmother as a gauge of her weight. "You're looking great!" Grandma Esther says, and Maya knows she's put on a pound or two. "Maya, you look terrible" and Maya shrugs, realizes she must have lost some weight recently, and tries to fend off the fried potatoes that are inevitably coming her way. The French, the Thai, the Spanish -- we all have our distinct foods, special recipes, and shaped palettes.

It will come as no surprise that the Chinese are no different. I am constantly asked if I like Chinese food and what my favorite dishes are. There are noodle shops, dumpling places, and small restaurants crowding every block. In the morning, food stalls pop-up to make what my dad calls the "Chinese egg-McMuffin" and other fried breakfast specialties. The stands are plentiful - as are the convenient stores that double as fast food places during lunchtime. Recently, I commented to Emily on the vast number of these stores in China.  She responded, “It’s China. There is just a lot of everything here." Yet it seems like the restaurants, no matter how plentiful, are always packed around meal times. There may be just a lot of people here, but there also seem to be a lot of people who love to eat. Going out to eat, you'll see parties of five crowd the center of their table with at least 15 dishes of piping hot food, which are constantly replaced by new dishes of piping hot food throughout the meal.  When they're done, multiple full plates remain as everyone has gotten more than their fill. It's a matter of pride: if there's leftover food, then the host of the meal has accommodated for everyone and done his best to make sure the guests were well fed by the end of the meal. During the meal, there's a certain amount of force-feeding that goes on.   It is considered polite for the host to literally place food on other's plates (or bowls, as the case may be). It's very Italian. "Mange, mange!" It's very Jewish. "Are you eating? You're too thin - eat!" It's very, very Chinese.

I can sum it up best with a Chinese phrase I recently picked up from a coworker. I've been wanting to pick up some Chinese slang, so she told me that instead of greeting someone with the traditional "Ni hao ma" (literally translated, it means "are you good?”) I should say "Chi le ma." “Chi...as in chi fan, or 'eat’?" I asked. Yup. The phrase translates to "Have you eaten?" and it's just another way of saying "what's up?" "So let me get this straight -- you're constantly asking each other if you've eaten?" Yup. Constantly. You walk in a room - "have you eaten?" You come back from a lunch date - "have you eaten?" I found this hilarious. A culture where everyone is keeping tabs on if everyone else has eaten. I was laughing about it with a few friends the other day, one of which is Chinese-American. "I can't believe it's true." I laughed. "Wouldn't you get annoyed if every friend and coworker were constantly pestering you about when you last ate?"

"In my house, we don't say 'I love you'" she explained. "We make each other food. I know a fight is over when my dad starts cooking for me, and my mom asks me what I want to eat." '"Chi le ma' is a way of saying we care."

Emily put it best. "The Jews and the Chinese - not so different, huh?" It's true, and it can apply universally. Food is love.