Something to declare.

In a few hours, I’ll be leaving Thailand on a 16 hour journey to Beijing, China. I guess nobody said getting to China would be easy. In fact, the difficulty of it all is what has inspired me to write the following blog post. While I should be reflecting fondly on the past few months which were both incredible and surreal, it happens to be Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of fasting, repenting, and general ill-feelings. Plus, if you happened to glance at my post on food, entitled “Food Frenzy,” you’ll know that I don’t do well when I’m hungry. I’m pissed. So in a couple of hours, they’ll ask me at customs if I have anything to declare. Yes, in fact, I do.

            I have a lot to declare. Namely, China: it should not be this difficult to enter you.*** My poor parents have been stuck in moving purgatory because of a supposed hold up on their visas since the beginning of September. I was supposed to be leaving Thailand to visit them in their well-established three bedroom Chinese apartment, but they aren’t living at home in D.C. anymore and they haven’t yet moved to China. They’re living at a hotel in Virginia. Can you imagine thinking you were moving to China, only to actually move to Virginia? So, China, if you think you can scare them from moving just by having a bureaucratic mess interfere with them getting hold of visas, you can think again. My mother did not make 10 dozen deviled eggs for her own going-away party just to sit in temporary housing thirty minutes away. My father did not spend countless hours repeating simple Chinese phrases in our basement just to order Chinese broccoli in Chinatown. No, China, you will tell the visa-handler (I have no idea if this is a real position, but I imagine a crotchety old man sitting in a dark room, stamping visas at random) that unless he intends to reimburse us for a slightly insane Costco run followed by hours of slave-labor-finger-food preparation for said going away party, he will just have to grant my parents the access they desire.

            Also, I’d like to declare that my 30 day visa, for which I paid 150 dollars, does not seem like a fair trade. You said I could “simply extend my visa in China,” although I think that there was something lost in translation in this exchange. Typically, the word “simply” implies that this will be done with ease. Looking ahead, I can’t imagine it will be, although I do anticipate spending a large sum of money in the process. It would actually be simple, China, for you to extend my visa now.

            Finally, I’d like to declare that by insisting we put the family cat in a 30 day quarantine, you now have her blood on your hands, if it comes to that. Many people I’ve spoken to think the cat will be fine. Those who think that have never actually met the cat. This is the same creature that has been known to hide under the couch for days at a time, leaving only to stand in the hallway, growling at any passer-by. She will forgo food if she thinks danger is lurking, and to her, any footstep is a sign of potential danger. She’s not exactly “adaptable” and if you kill her during this quarantine, it’s on your hands.

            So when I get to the airport, maybe I will stand in the line for those who have “something to declare.” I realize that this isn’t entirely the point of this distinction in customs, nor is it the best use of my time to spend my last day in Thailand brooding over these things, but I guess I have next Yom Kippur to repent about that one.

***That’s what she said.